The Significance of a Sacrament: Holy Matrimony

Funny, isn't it, that a man who is divorced should write about marriage? And yet, what else would I write about? I've been married for fourteen years, that's just a little shy of half my life. The woman I was married to has been my life for such a long time that quite honestly sometimes I don't know what else to write about. But this particular post isn't about my marriage - failed or otherwise - but about how the Church views the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.

There are some differences between an Orthodox wedding and weddings from other churches, such as Roman Catholic, Lutheran, and of course Evangelical. Naturally, the Orthodox ceremony is going to be Liturgical, and would be similar to a Roman Catholic or Anglican ceremony in that way.

This picture was taken at Saint Ignatius in Franklin, Tennessee. I know the priests and the deacon, but not the couple becoming married.

However, typically, there are no oaths and vows given between the man and the woman. The way the Orthodox view marriage is that, "It is, in essence, the 'baptizing and confirming' of human love in God by Christ in the Holy Spirit. It is the deification of human love in the divine perfection and unity of the eternal Kingdom of God as revealed and given to man in the Church. There is no "legalism" in the Orthodox sacrament of marriage. It is not a juridical contract, it is a spiritual bond. "(OrthodoxWiki)

The Church blesses the marriage, and joins the two together before and in God. The marriage isn't seen as some legal contract, but rather a pouring out of God's grace onto the couple.

Another difference is the crowning ceremony. Depending on the jurisdiction you might have a very nice, regal looking crown, or you might have a simple crown made of leaves. The one wedding I've attended the crowns were simple white circles.

The crowns symbolize joy and martyrdom. Joy at two people joining their lives together in love. Martyrdom because marriage is supposed to have sacrifices made on both sides. The crowns also symbolize that the husband and wife are now the King and Queen of their domain.

The couple also take communion together, and at the end of the wedding service they share a drink from the same cup of wine, which is to symbolize that they will now share a common life together.

There is a lot more to the wedding service than what I've written here. It is a beautiful service to watch.

Now, according to the Church, marriage is supposed to be forever. However, the Church realizes that sometimes things change and a divorce is necessary. The Church will grant an economia for divorce, because not all marriages work out. In a perfect world, marriage would last forever, but this is not a perfect world, and none of us are perfect.

Obviously, adultery is a very valid reason for divorce, but adultery is not the only reason that a Church will grant a divorce. Another reason is spousal abuse. And of course, the State will grant a divorce for whatever reason.

The Church will allow another marriage. I believe it will allow up to three marriages, but where the first marriage ceremony is festive and joyful, the next one is more somber and focused on repentance. 

And the marriage does not end with just the ceremony. The couple should be striving to maintain their marriage on a daily basis with God as the focus. Hopefully, a healthy Orthodox marriage will see the couple continuing to live the Orthodox life together at home through prayer and fasting.

Both the man and the woman should be willing to make sacrifices - both for each other's souls and salvation, and to also maintain love.

Both partners have a responsibility to each other in the marriage. The man is the King of his house and his marriage, but he is not superior to his wife. He is the head of the household and he needs to ensure that his house is in good order. He needs to daily show his wife that he does indeed love her, instead of sitting around waiting to be pampered. We men should constantly be improving ourselves and giving of ourselves in our marriage to show the women that we love them. We cannot sit idle and expect everything to work out. We need to listen to our wives about their concerns, and take those to heart, and not just simply say, "Woman, I am the man and will decide for us." Your wife is there to help you, let her help.

The woman is to submit to her husband, as her husband is to submit to Christ. In her obedience to her husband she is showing her husband how he must also be obedient to Christ. She is supposed to be the husband's helpmeet (or helpmate) and help him guide their family. Often times, a man becomes complacent, or too laid back, and the woman must pick up the leadership role - the man becomes resentful, the wife becomes resentful, and the marriage falls apart. This is a sacrifice that must be made. If the husband isn't doing his duty then the wife needs to help him meet his duty. Both spouses must sacrifice themselves to each other and to Christ. This is why a marriage is seen as a type of martyrdom.

 

Without sacrifices, the marriage will be doomed. A marriage with sacrifices will see an outpouring of God's grace on the couple and their family.