Friday, December 7, 2018

Ramblings of a Depressed Orthodox Soldier

The past couple of days has seen my back out of commission. I'm not entirely sure what happened to my back this time to cause as much pain as I'm having, but something did indeed happen.
The down side is that if I take any medication that is strong enough to help then I pass out. I took one such pill yesterday and slept for about 5 hours or so. Then I took another pill last night since the pain was still terrible and slept until about 9AM. That is a lot of sleep.

I've also come to realize that I do not have nearly enough food for when I have days like this. I usually order pizza and eat that for a few days, and I can't remember the last time I went grocery shopping. I guess I just stopped going when it seemed cheaper to buy a pizza and some sides for less than $50 a week and groceries were well over $100. But again, I'd at least have some food to eat eat when I am home.

And when you hardly cook you don't realize that there are a lot of things that you need to cook, like pots and pans. I have a few skillets and one big pot, that's great for some things, but not for everything, especially if I want to make more than just a few things at a time.

Also, no microwave. So I can't exactly heat up left overs unless I do so in the oven... but I don't have anything that can go in an oven except my brownie pan.

Have I mentioned that depression sucks? Because it does, it really truly does. One reason I haven't been grocery shopping is because I can't find the motivation to go out and interact with the world. I wouldn't mind having friends over, but I only have one good chair and my place is a mess because I just can't find the motivation to clean.

I know where things are, mostly. And I keep up with my dishes. But trying to keep things organized is such a freaking pain when all I want to do is curl up into a ball and pass into oblivion. 

I actually did a little cleaning today. Its not much, considering my back, but I feel good about what I accomplished. And yes, with my back out of whack I decided to try a little light weight cleaning. It beats being stuck in bed all day, and it's probably better for my back to move around a little instead of staying stagnant.

And cleaning - more specifically, picking up my clean clothes from the pile they were in - reminded me that I have no iron or ironing board. It's not exactly like I've been too many places where I needed to worry about my clothes looking pressed, but how exactly this was overlooked is beyond me. I mean I polish my freaking work boots, how do I not even own an iron?

Now i'm wondering if it would be worth the trip to Walmart to buy an iron and ironing board, or if I should just buy them off of Amazon. I don't even know if the Walmart closest to me is open after the eighteen billion earthquakes we've had. I wish there was a Target closer by. I don't know why, but I'm much more comfortable walking around Target depressed than I am Walmart. Maybe it's because I worked at a Target while depressed and I know that at least right now my life isn't so horrible as to be working there again.

Oh hey, my Christmas tree is from Target. I realized that I had no decorations so a friend and I went to Target and I bought a tree and a star (the star was super cheap, much more economically friendly than the angel that they had to offer). And yes, I do still go out with some of my friends, I'm trying to not become a hermit. At least not yet.

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