Tuesday, July 14, 2015

More Wonderings of an Orthodox Parent

My wife gave birth to our third daughter almost 3 weeks ago. Her patron saint is Saint Ia Cornwall. Most people will recognize her as the namesake of a little place in Cornwall called Saint Ives.



So, I am now the proud father of three beautiful daughters. My priest even welcomed me to the 3 daughters club. We don't get cards or certificates; we get grey hairs.

Our newest little one, just like her sisters, weren't planned. It just so happened that she was coming at a really bad time; my wife is in graduate school, and she really is quite busy with all of her studies. A new baby is not what we needed right now.

Our oldest daughter's godmother - who gave birth to twin boys just a few years ago - reminded us that God gives us the things He knows we can handle to show us that we can.

In this day and age I know that having another child while being so busy is seen as a bad move, an inconvenience. I know a few people who would have just had an abortion and moved on. I'm glad that I have another child to love and help grow; I shouldn't let my circumstances keep another human from living their own life.

All of that aside, I am grateful that I now have another little one at home.

Of course I pray that I will raise her well and not emotionally scar her. I pray that I raise her to love and worship God.

Will she be like her older sister who likes to pick random times to grab a headcovering and do some prayers? Will she be a completely different person than her two sisters, or will she have a mixture of both of them?

I now have 3 college funds that I may possibly need to start saving for, how and when do I start that?

So many uncertainties lie ahead, even more than when it was just 4 of us.

Can we make it? A fearful question that runs in the back of my mind. How do we make it? Why now? I cry in my prayers that I can trust God in His wisdom. He has never failed us before, He will not fail us now.

But still, that human part of me questions, and doubts. I can never do this - we will never survive, the pessimist inside of me says.

I look at our bills and our debt, I cry in anguish because we just don't make enough. No matter how hard I try, this blog just doesn't produce any income. No matter how hard I try I can't keep money from constantly flowing out.

When I am finally separated from the military will I not have any benefits and lose our insurance? How will we be able afford another insurance, because the ACA is not affordable for us?

What about vehicles? We already had to buy another one to fit all of us. Will I have to buy more later since we can't afford cars that will last a while?

Where will we live? We can't raise our children in our current location, the crime rate is too high; a friends car we were borrowing was stolen then set on fire.

So many uncertainties, so many questions and doubts.

I see her smile. Everything is going to be OK. God will provide for us, He always has. He has a plan.

Lord, forgive me for my doubts.
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