Sunday, April 1, 2012

Lent While Deployed Wk. 5

So... Five weeks of Lent and today is April Fools Day. I really have nothing planned for the day except to take it nice and easy.

This past week has been hell on me mentally, physically, and emotionally. We were suppose to have a PT test on Monday, but it was canceled due to a dust storm and moved to Tuesday. I took the PT test Tuesday fully confident that I would pass, but somehow failed my situps. I did something I have never done in my military career; I challenged the results of my PT test due to what I believe was an error on my grader's part. My chance to retake my PT test was then moved to Friday. But as luck would have it, they forgot I was suppose to retake my PT test on Friday and it got moved back to Saturday (which was yesterday). I improved my pushups by 5, my situps by 7, and my run time by 30 seconds... in other words I passed (a special thanks to two of my buddies who I used to pace myself on the run)!

Now, if the whole PT test thing wasn't crazy enough, let me explain a little bit more about the turmoil going on inside of my head. This would have been my third PT test failure, which under some new regulations by a new Sergeant Major means a few things; 1) I don't get promoted (a given) which means that I have held my current rank for almost six years, 2) PT failures coupled with not getting promoted could equal a demotion, 3) PT failures and not getting promoted could also equal getting kicked out of the military.

I really can not afford to be demoted - there is no way my family could live off of a smaller pay check. I really can not afford to be kicked out - the military is my prime source of income and health insurance. I need the health insurance for my daughter who is very special needs. So basically, if I get kicked out or demoted my already turbulent life becomes an eddy that sucks me down into the abyss and dashes my lifless corpse against the stones until there is nothing left of me. A bit dramatic? Perhaps, but this is how I really felt this past week. I honestly needed to pass this PT test not for myself, but for my precious wife and daughter who really mean the world to me and I can not stand to let them down.

Perhaps it was a good thing that I had all of that stress and pressure built up, it made failing not an option for me. Passing also showed me that I can pass, and push myself to new extremes after years of struggling with my physical fitness. This experience (starting back in January when I really started to try to improve myself by going to the gym) shows me that hard work and dedication really do pay off in the long run.

So what does all of this have to do with yet another week of Lent? Prayer. During this time we are suppose to sacrifice our passions (a tear shed for food), and spend much more time praying as it is suppose to help us remember that God is in control. I can honestly say that i spent a lot of extra time praying this week, and I was not asking God to make me pass the PT test (I did ask for help, as I do in most endevours) I was mostly praying to calm my nerves and to focus myself on where my heart and mind truly needed to be - with God who is in control.
posted from Bloggeroid
posted from Bloggeroid
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