Twenty Years ago in November

 Firstly, I would like to apologize - as always - for the lack of updates, and especially for not having uploaded this post here - it has been on my Patreon for a few weeks already.

 

Work has kept me fairly busy, and I haven't found time to actually blog since I started just over a month ago. This weekend I don't feel terrible, or overly tired, so I decided to do just a bit. 

Any way, a thought occurred to me just the other day. If I had stayed in the National Guard, instead of having to get out on a medical discharge, this November would mark twenty years of service. 

I could have retired this year, though I wouldn't have seen any retirement money until I was 60 or so. Maybe a few years shy. 

I remember telling people that I could retire at 37 years of age, and not many believing me. I joined when I was 17, so after 20 years I would have been 37 - which I will be later this year. I guess 37 just seems young to retire these days as not many people join a career they'll be in for 20 years until later in life.  

I had always wanted to stay in until I could retire - that had always been the plan. But I do wonder how that would have worked out given everything that has happened in the last few years. 

If I would have been staying in, would my family have still moved to Alaska? My unit was gearing up for another deployment, so I would not have been able to transfer to Alaska until after I returned. There is a possibility that we could have still made that move and I joined my family later. 

And after the divorce and moving back to the lower 48. Would I have tried to transfer back to a unit in Tennessee? If I had, would I have ever moved out to New Mexico? I don't think a unit would be willing to let me go after only 6 months with them, but I really don't know. 

And these are just idle wonderings. Not anything that I dwell upon. I do try not to dwell on the past and what could have been - it isn't healthy for me to do so. 

Despite my feelings towards how the government has used the military in endless and unjustified wars, I am still fiercely proud of my service to this country. I wasn't the best soldier - probably not even good - but I remain proud all the same.  

That uniform that I am wearing in the picture is a uniform that I wore to honor those who served before me, and I will always be proud of that. 

I made many friends who became brothers and sisters to me while I served. I will always remember them fondly, even those who are no longer with us. Especially those who are no longer with us.  

I have taken away tools from my time in service, tools which help me survive today. A resiliency and discipline to keep going. I might stumble, and I might fall, but I will get up and keep going. It might take me more and more time to get back up, but get back up I will. 

There were hard times before, and there will be hard times again. But I will stay resilient, though the days seem dark.  

Twenty years ago in November I signed on the line. I raised my right hand and swore an oath. I will always be a soldier, but no longer under the command of the government who has shown time and again that it doesn't care about its veterans. I will use the tools the Army gave me to survive. 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, the sinner.