On Forgiveness

 

I apologize for the lack of updates this week. I thought that since the weather was going to stabilize that I might actually have a chance to not have migraines. How wrong I was. Any way, this post comes from this morning's lectio divina from the Prologue from Ohrid. I honestly cannot recommend this work enough to Orthodox Christians - or really any Christians. It is a wonderful work that has daily lives of the saints, reflections, contemplations, and a short homily. If your prayer rule includes a daily reading from things other than scripture, you should definitely get a copy of the Prologue. Any way, on with the post.

 

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered (Psalm 32:1).

Fear, confusion, weakness, infirmity and darkening of the mind are born of sin. By sin, a man provokes others against himself, confuses his own conscience, attracts demons to himself, and gives them weapons against himself. By sin, a man separates himself from God, estranges himself from his guardian angel, and walls himself off from the source of all good. The committing of sin signifies a declaration of war against God and all godly powers. This is more preposterous than if a withered autumn leaf were to declare war on the wind. And, indeed, the most preposterous thing of all occurs: a man declares war on God! This declaration alone guarantees ruin and destruction for a man if he does not quickly come to himself, repent and flee to God for mercy.

The great King David was well aware of the terrible predicament of the sinner, and he himself experienced it. He felt inexpressible fear, confusion, weakness and loneliness; he felt the arrows of men and the arrows of demons. But, realizing his horrible situation, David acknowledged his sin, prostrated himself in ashes before God, soaked the ground with tears of repentance and words of anguish that burned like fire, and prayed to the merciful God to forgive him. And, when all was forgiven him, he felt inexpressible blessedness. This blessedness of the forgiven soul he could not express in words. He could only declare, confirm and assure us of the condition of sinfulness and the condition of forgiveness from God, based on his direct experience of both conditions: Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered (Psalm 32:1). What is this blessing? Freedom, courage, indescribable joy, power, strength, clarity of thought, peace of conscience, hope in God, hymnody to God, love for one's neighbors, and meaning to one's life! In other words: light, joy and strength are the blessing. This is the blessing that one who is forgiven of sin feels here on earth. If this is so, then what is the blessing that awaits him in heaven, that eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man (I Corinthians 2:9)?

O Lord our God, forgive us our transgressions by Thine infinite mercy, and cover our sins!

To Thee be glory and praise forever. Amen. (Prologue from Ohrid, October 13th, Homily)

"By sin, man separates himself from God, estranges himself from his guardian angel, and walls himself off from the source of all good." We can recall the Fall of Man, when Adam and Eve first sinned. Their actions lead to them being thrown out of the Garden of Eden, and brought a separation between God and man. When we sin, especially when we choose to sin, we are separating ourselves from God.

It may seem to us that some of who we perceive to be great sinners are prospering greatly. They might have wealth, good health, a beautiful family, a position of great importance, some fancy title. But we are told not to store up treasures here on Earth, but to store them in Heaven.

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. St. Matthew 6:19-21(KJV)

We should always keep on focus on Heaven, we should store up our treasures in Heaven. So when we perceive someone we think is a great sinner having all of the things we want in this life, we should remember that we have the next life to look forward to.

I would also say that we should not look upon other people and judge if they are really any greater of a sinner than we are. I am, after all, the chief of sinners. We definitely should not look upon all of the other things that people have and be jealous of that.

We are told that King David felt fear, confusion, weakness, and loneliness on account of his sin. I have felt many of the same things when I have sinned and have not repented. I have run from God, I have tried to hide in my room from God, the Church, and the world. It never helps. My despair and depression grows. My anxiety becomes out of control. It is truly a horrible feeling.

And, much like King David, when I confess and repent of my sins, I feel such blessed relief. I have cried many times after going to confession, because the weight is lifted off of me. I am reminded that God loves me. I am reminded that my priest loves me. I am reminded that other people love me. They love me, not for what I can do for them, not because I make them look good. They love me for me.

I often wonder - after a particularly bad depressive episode - why I waited so long to come back to the Church. Why I waited so long to receive the sacraments through which God pours out His Grace. Why, if I can feel so wonderful, do I often run and hide and wallow in despair.

Sin deludes us. Sin separates us from God and that which is good. It can be a very hard cycle to break. And even though I know that getting right with God will be beneficial to me, my sin has confused me.

There is a saying coined by Alexander Pope, "To err is human, and to forgive is divine." And I really think that sums up both sides of this. Our human nature is to err - to sin. Forgiveness comes from God, it is divine. And to be forgiven is a truly wonderful feeling. It truly is blessed relief from the weight of carrying the burden of sin.

I pray that in the future that I am more willing to seek forgiveness. I know that I need it, and I pray that I can see clearly through the cloud of sin, and confess, repent, and be forgiven.

Please pray for me, a sinner.